I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
