Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
