Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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