she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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