I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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