we have pet lesbian snakes
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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