You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
