I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
