I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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