I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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