yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
