The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
