Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
