Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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