There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize