So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
