# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need to calm my uterus...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
