We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
