Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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