So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
