hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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