Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
