My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
