she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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