My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
