Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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