i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
