Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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