Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
