I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
