So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize