i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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