oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
