no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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