The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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