This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
