so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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