So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The Olympian is in my bed
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
