your parents love me but you hate me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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