You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
