Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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