it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize