you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize