i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
