i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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