I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
