i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
