I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
