I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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