I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
