Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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