There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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