Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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