She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
