there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
