party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
