Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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