at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
