ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
