she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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