I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize