I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
