please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the day after is always just damage control
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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