I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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