I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
