I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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