It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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