I think my vagina is haunted
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
it's like heaven, but drunker
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
