Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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