I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize